What Dreams are MADE OF

Sometimes, there are shadows behind my eye lids no matter how many times I BLINK. Sometimes, I feel SHIVERS and shakes rack by body no matter how much I turn up the heater. It can feel like the world is crashing around me, that the walls are shaking and moving and that the Universe as I know it is about to turn upside down, while I sit quiet and perfectly still. Time can seem to drag on and stand STILL. Moments caught in my memory like an engraved STONE, cast out into the ocean, over time slowly being rubbed away. Left with nothing but a smooth beginning. Like nothing had ever touch it, making its mark before. I feel lost and yet found. SAFE and scared, all at the same time. I can breath, I can't sleep, I can't live without wondering about the WHAT IFS and the WHY NOTS. A belief in the betterment of my future, that OUT THERE is a time, a place, and space where I can be truly HAPPY. Sometimes that is all that keeps me moving. Other days, its not the GOOD but the bad that keeps me motivated. I don't want to PRETRIFY and become extinct, so I get up and move forward. Crashing threw the cobwebs of my life, building brick by brick, blending into society's idea of what my life SHOULD BE. I live for MYSELF, and for others. For the people I knew, those I see now and those FUTURE members of my life. I wish on a shooting star and HOPE for answers. For a moment of truth and HONESTY. A PERFECT MOMENT OF KNOWING that this is WHAT I NEED TO BE DOING. A wish, is nothing more than a dream put out into the universe with the idea that someone, something, out there other than yourself will make it come true. Reality is different, it takes those wishes, those dreams and stomps them into the ground. Clarifying once and for all that not everyone gets a happy ENDING. It is those that dust off the dirty wishes, polish up the ragged dreams and take what's left of what was once pure and clean and turn it into a new hope. One that they can ACHEIVE on their OWN. Being AFRAID is always normal, giving into the fear is EASY. What's hard is working through the fear, striving to get past it, to a place of acceptance. Acceptance of reality and acceptance of what might be and what could be. Acceptance that we don't know everything and that we NEVER will. Acceptance of being alone, of being surrounded by nothing and everything all at once. Acceptance of irritations and pleasure. Of smelly feat and scratchy toe nails, of shedding hair and a dirty toilette bowel. Acceptance that these things, are a part of a greater whole. Of a good that is more important. Acceptance that life is fluid. That things change constantly and that we can never truly be still. A moment caught in a memory is still seconds behind the beginning. Time is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Truth is undervalued and left to dangle in the wind. Bitterness creeps into our hearts and we resent those we see as better than us. Acceptance of our futility is DEATH. Acceptance of adventure, strength and JOY is life. Knowing oneself, loving oneself. THAT IS ALL THAT A TRUE DREAM IS MADE OF.