Life after Death

I fear the void,

The emptiness, the silence,

the crystalline idea that I am nothing,

Are you out there God?

Are you sitting there judging me?

Counting up my sins,

They way I jaywalk,

the way I laugh too hard,

swear too long,

and lie with a straight face.

Each sin mounting in the infinite answer,

rejection from your pearly gates.

Should I try to be good,

a better person,

constantly struggling to change who I am?

Does not God love me no matter how I act?

Can he not see that I am torn?

Trying to live up to his expectations,

those of my parents,

those of my friends,

and worst of all my own...

Is there life after death?

Is there a place of respite from these fears,

constantly banging around my head?

Branding me a sinner,

forcing guilt down my throat,

choking on the hypocrisy.

A darkness, a light at the tunnel,

Silence.

Emptiness.

Death.

and finally, Peace.